I am particularly intrigued about mindfulness, and picked up a magazine about mindfulness. I am chewing on this question: “how do we remove the moss and brick in our lives? “Confused minds suggest that existence is meaningless, even absurd, and this adds another coat of black to our darkened hearts. Thich Nhat Hanh once said, “Almost no one listens to his or her true self. But when we are not ourselves, any freedom we think we have is illusory. Sometimes we reject freedom because we fear it. Our true selves are buried beneath layers of moss and brick. We have to break through those layers and be liberated, but we are afraid it may break us, also. We have to remind ourselves over and over again that the layers of moss and brick are not our true selves.” So I’m really walking through this mindfulness idea with trying to see if I can find my true center, beyond the moss and brick of the “preacher” “dad” “pastor” “gay man”….

So I reflect back on my entire life. I remember the fear that surrounded me as I navigated my own sexuality. Fear of the unknown in regards to how people would react paralyzed me. So I began the process of adding layers of brick and moss on top of my authentic self so that I could please people. In reality, my happiness, my joy, my true authentic self was being swallowed up, leaving me in a state of deep depression. How would I find my authentic self? How would I emerge from this state of being, and how would I bulldoze through the layers of brick? It was not easy…and at times, the trauma of “coming out” still haunts me to this day. Thich Nhat Hanh challenges us in this way as we work at removing the bricks and the moss, “begin by looking deeply at yourself and seeing how miraculous you are.”

Brick by Brick!